Healing Gabriella (Red Devils MC Book 8) Read online

  “What happened after six months that made her stop sleeping with you? Did you try to initiate sex, or did you tell her that you needed more or something?” Mark demanded, looking grim. Pretty Boy’s jaw clenched and his eyes lit with the fires of hell as he glowered at Mark.

  “Hell no! I wouldn’t ever force or demand a sexual relationship she wasn’t ready for asshole! Nor would I be stupid enough to tell her I wanted another woman when she’s all I need. She overheard a conversation between two club members that set her off. They were talking about the fact that I was hanging around her and didn’t go near other women. She got it in her head that she had to learn to live on her own. It honestly pissed me off and ruined my fucking life for the last year and a half—those stupid bastards. Gabi is a little stubborn in case you hadn’t noticed.” He snorted.

  Pretty Boy found himself shaking his head at the memories flooding him of how irritated he’d been the night he’d had to go searching for her. He hadn’t found her until the next day and he’d been beyond livid when she’d explained that he deserved a whole woman and not the fractured shell of one. After that night, she’d refused to stay with him and he’d known trying to force her into it would only end up making her run. Not that he would have allowed her to get away, but he’d still been worried back then that he’d frighten her if he pushed too hard because of what she’d been through.

  Now, however, he would push because she was strong enough to take the pressure without breaking. From that night on he’d just did what he’d done tonight and shown up at her place to see if she was waiting on him. Most nights she was here sitting by the fire, but on the good nights he waited for her to come outside with his arms aching to hold her. On those nights, he sat here and fought to allow her the space she was trying to put between them while everything inside him screamed for him to claim her.

  “You’re telling me she came to you and not me?” Mark asked, his voice cracked.

  “Mark, it isn’t because of what happened, it’s because she’s mine and she knows she was always meant to be mine, even if she is trying to fight it. She doesn’t blame you for what happened to her. You thought she was safe as long as you did what they told you to do. Yes, it was a stupid move, and if you’d told Bone what was happening from the beginning we might have saved her from some of the pain she suffered, but she doesn’t blame you. You made a mistake that cost both you and her nearly everything. Her coming to me isn’t about you, it’s about us. Our connection is strong and from the second our eyes connected it was set in stone. In that moment, we were both changed forever. I know that even if I had met her before she was taken, the bond between us would have been the same.” He didn’t bother hiding his feelings for Gabi. Over the past year and a half, he’d come to realize that denying the truth would not do either of them any favors.

  Gabi leaving his bed after those two idiots had opened their mouths and said that stupid shit had taught him that he should have spoken up long before he did. He’d almost fucking killed Rock and Gator for talking shit where Gabi could hear them. At the time, he hadn’t understood what was happening between them. He should have known after watching all his friends—men he would have sworn weren’t the type—fall in love. Each one had found the woman for them and grabbed hold with both hands. It wasn’t until he’d been denied her soft body pressed against his every night, that he’d realized she was all he needed—hell, all he’d ever need.

  “You don’t know that it’s not because of my mistake. I fucked up. Hell, I nearly got her killed and because of me she was repeatedly raped and beaten. Every day I fucking waited she was being hurt by those bastards! It’s why I will never forgive myself, even if Bone and the club do. I’m the reason she was in those asshole’s hands for so long. Fuck, I can barely live with myself. I almost wish Bone had killed me, but then I realize that I deserve to suffer while I watch a pale lack luster version of my sister walk around. That’s my punishment. I won’t allow you to force her into being your old lady. I didn’t protect her when I should have and I refuse to make that mistake again Pretty Boy. I will protect her.”

  “I already told you that I would never force her, but I also won’t walk away. Gabi will have the final say in any relationship we have, but she needs a little push over the edge or she will try to put up road blocks that will only serve to hurt her more. I won’t allow that.” He knew he was being stubborn himself, but he needed Mark to understand that trying to stop him from being with Gabi was a lost cause.

  “Are you sure you aren’t seeing what you want to see here, Pretty Boy? Maybe it’s not how you think it is and she might not ever let you touch her the way you want to. Have you accepted that she may be too ruined for what you want from her?” Mark asked.

  “I’ll tell you what I told her. If nothing changes I can live with that, but what I can’t do is live without her. She’s scared and she has every right to be frightened after what she went through, but I would never hurt her. Not physically or emotionally. She made her choice a long time ago when she walked from Doc’s clinic to my front porch. She chose when she walked into my house that night and slept in my bed for months in my arms. She’s still choosing me by letting me come here and hold her every night when she’s afraid. Haven’t you noticed that she never lets anyone touch her? I have. Anyone tries and she flinches, but she’s never objected when I’ve touch her. Not even once.” Pretty Boy sounded smug, but he didn’t care.

  “Fuck man. I don’t know what to say. I never really thought about it, but you’re right. She doesn’t let anyone touch her. Even me. Fuck, I didn’t notice because you’re right, she always lets you touch her.” Mark suddenly looked god smacked by the realization.

  “Like I said. I have this under control.”

  “How can you be ok with her never letting you—shit. You know what I’m asking.” Mark muttered, looking uncomfortable as he shifted back and forth in his chair.

  “I love her. Even without sex I will learn to deal, as long as I have her. I don’t think it’s going to be as big of an issue as you both think. Sure, it will be rough and she will likely have flash backs. It’s very likely she will end up feeling like she’s failing me before we get the kinks worked out, but we will manage it. She was repeatedly raped and it’s going to leave scars, but they don’t make me love her any less.” The conviction in his tone wasn’t faked because he could already tell that she wanted him. She just wasn’t ready to give in to what she wanted, but she would get there.

  “Damn, I wish I could share your confidence but—fuck. You hurt her by fucking around with another woman and I will cut your balls off. You know that, right?” Mark said looking at him. Tired of rehashing this conversation, Pretty Boy rose to his feet with Gabi in his arms.

  “I appreciate you trying to look out for her, but it’s not something you need to worry about. I will never betray her. She’s too damned important to me. Now I need to lay her down so she doesn’t end up waking up.” He started towards the house, Gabi still cuddled close as he took the stairs to her little one room cabin. Mark had followed him and opened the door for Pretty Boy.

  “Good luck, man. I won’t stand in your way unless you hurt her.”

  “I won’t.”

  Chapter Three

  Gabi woke pinned to the bed by a heavy weight. Her heart didn’t start racing and she didn’t struggle to get away because she knew that the arm pinning her wasn’t a threat. No, it belonged to the man she was trying to set free. The man she’d told to just walk away even as she’d feared what would happen to what was left of her shattered soul if he did. Kyle, her savior, the only reason she was still able to function. Damn it, she had to convince him to stop allowing her to weigh him down. She rolled slightly, finding his handsome face turned towards her on the pillow as he held her to him possessively. His hard jaw was relaxed in a way that softened his features.

  She understood why they named him Pretty Boy looking at him. It was the perfect jaw line and the hard, full lips that were parted
slightly as his breath puffed out in light snores. He looked so much younger than his twenty-eight years. Her eyes traced the scruff that was starting to form along his handsome jaw, wondering what it would feel like against her skin. Gabi sighed deeply, wishing that she could be what he needed her to be. Feeling the sting of tears, she closed her eyes as she tried to get her emotions under control. When she finally opened them a few moments later he was watching her, his eyes dark with desires she couldn’t name.

  Those brown pools didn’t frighten her despite their intensity, because she knew he’d never push for anything she wasn’t willing to give him. It was the reason she felt safe with him. Even when she’d been sleeping in his bed every night he’d never pushed. He shifted closer, drawing her to him slowly. Gabi knew if she’d struggled for even a second, he would have let her go immediately. She allowed him to arrange her next to him with his lips hovering over hers.

  “Gabi, baby. We need to talk about this idea you have about pushing me away for my own good.” Kyle’s voice was gritty from sleep and his eyes were serious and intently focused on her. Gabi wanted to squirm away from him and climb out of the bed to avoid this conversation, but something about the way he stared wouldn’t let her.

  “Kyle,” Gabi began, her heart aching at the words hovering on her lips.

  “No, you aren’t going to force me to walk away and there is no way in hell I will allow you to walk away from me without a fight. You might as well face the facts and realize I’m here to stay. I know you think we can’t be together, that you will never be able to have a sexual relationship with me because of what happened to you, but I know that’s not true.” He told her, his eyes moving over her face watching for any changes in her expression.

  “Kyle, I can’t give you what you want. I can’t.” Gabi pleaded with him, trying to make him understand.

  “You don’t know that Gabi. You haven’t even tried. I won’t force you and you will always be able to call a halt to anything happening between us, even if I’m balls deep inside you.” Kyle told her hotly, making her blush as she stared up into his brown eyes, almost drowning in them.

  “I—Kyle. I’m scared.”

  “I know babe, we will likely hit road blocks along the way and we might even find some things we can’t ever do, but if we don’t try, it’s going to ruin us both. We were supposed to be together firefly. I’ve known that since the moment I first held you in my arms. The anger I felt for what they’d done to you was a living breathing thing. I’ve never been so enraged, because I knew even when you were dirty, shaking, and lying on that little mat in that shack that you were mine. You will always be mine, Gabi. That won’t change, not ever.” His words were spoken against her lips as he brushed his against them softly. Gabi’s breath caught and she let out a little gasp.

  “How can you say it won’t change? You’re a man, and men need sex.” Gabi couldn’t hide the pain in her voice as she spoke one of her biggest fears.

  “Firefly, we can do other things if you can’t do sex. I know we can work something out. Even if all we ever do is dry hump with our clothes on, I can live with that. I need you, not sex, Gabi. Just you, babe. Your soft body pressing against mine every night while I hold you is more satisfying than having sex with any club whore or bunny ever could be.” He kissed her forehead and then her nose before nuzzling her neck with more kisses and nips. Gabi didn’t push him away and her body stirred as desire slowly spread through her veins.

  “What if you decide it’s not enough, Pretty Boy. I couldn’t take it if we start this and you end up in another woman’s bed because I can’t give you what you need.” Her eyes filled with tears and she squeezed her eyes shut to try and hide them, but the soft sipping kisses that he placed on each of her cheeks told her she hadn’t succeeded.

  “That won’t ever happen. I wouldn’t do that to you. Why are you calling me Pretty Boy? You know I prefer you to call me Kyle when we’re in bed, that hasn’t changed.” He frowned as he pushed up and looked down at her, his eyes softened with a tenderness that almost hurt her to look at.

  “I just slipped up is all.” Gabi lied. She’d been trying to keep space between her heart and him by using his club name instead of the intimated one he’d given her the first night she’d slept in his arms.

  “Gabi,” Kyle sighed, his head shaking, “I know you’re lying.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t put up more road blocks between us. We have enough problems to hurdle without you adding more by lying to me.” Kyle scolded before he rubbed his nose on hers. Gabi felt so good in his arms like this, when it was just the two of them. She lifted her arms wrapping them around his neck, linking her fingers behind his head. He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he leaned forward kissing her nose again.

  “I just don’t know if we can make this work.”

  “We can. You just have to give us a chance babe. I know that you think you won’t be enough, but I’ve waited for you for years. What about that says you could ever be less than what I need? Just say you will think about it firefly, please.” He nuzzled into her neck, resting his head on her shoulder as she held him around his neck thinking about what he’d said. He wasn’t wrong. He had been hanging around waiting for her to give him a sign that she was ready for more. She knew for a fact that even after she’d moved out that he’d never gone to bed with another woman because they’d started calling him monk and teasing him about not getting laid.

  “I will think about it, but no promises that I will give in. It really will break me if we start this and you decide it’s not enough.” Gabi tightened her hold on his neck hugging him to her. He didn’t protest her hold and she felt his body stiffen as he raised his head meeting her eyes with his.

  “Gabi, I know you’re scared, but think about this when you’re making your decision about us. Will it be any easier if you see me walk away and into the arms of another woman before we’ve even given us a chance to be a couple?” He asked, before he laid his head on her shoulder. With his arms encircling her as he pulled her even closer, he sighed and fell back to sleep. Leaving her lying in his arms with her heart screaming at her to try, because he was right, seeing him with someone else would likely kill her even if they didn’t try to be a couple.

  Chapter Four

  The clubhouse was quiet as Pretty Boy walked through the front room heading towards the back. His mind on what he’d talked about with Gabriella that morning. He couldn’t seem to still the thoughts racing around inside his mind. He knew that she was almost ready to start picking up the pieces of her life and find happiness again. She thought she was traumatized beyond repair, but he knew better. From the moment he’d lifted her from that dank room and carried her to Doc’s, he’d been sure they were meant to be together. She’d confirmed that suspicion when she’d shown up on his doorstep three days after they’d found her.

  He could see the strength in her that night and he’d admired it more every day that had passed since. Each time she had a setback he thought she would pull back into her shell and give up on life in those first weeks, but she’d proven him wrong. She had walked through hell when those Jackals tortured her for nearly two months and she’d come out on the other side. Maybe a little cracked, but not destroyed beyond repair like she seemed to think she was. No, she wasn’t beyond repair. Gabriella was one of the toughest women he’d ever met and he knew that she was meant to be his. He also knew that they’d hit road blocks that would likely hurt them both. He just hoped he was able to live with the pain he’d have to see in her eyes when she relived something those fuckers had done to her. Damn, it sucked that he couldn’t take those nightmares from her, but erasing what they’d done to her would be impossible.

  He could however help her heal and make damned sure nothing like that happened to her ever again. Pretty Boy walked into the conference room where they held church, glancing around to see most everyone was already present. Log, Tank, and Bone were the only men missing. Taking his usual spot l
eaning against the wall beside Tick, he nodded to Trick who looked at him oddly. Unsure what that look was about he ignored it.

  “You good?” Tick asked, watching him carefully.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He asked frowning. What the hell was going on?

  “Gabriella.” Tick said, his brow furrowed as he watched Pretty Boy.

  “What about her?” He snapped.

  “You know her brother is being sent to Titus, right?” Tick asked with a little wince as he watched Pretty Boy, like this information was news to him. Bone had talked to him about it a few days ago, so Pretty Boy wasn’t sure what the hell Tick was going on about.

  “Yeah, so what?”

  “Well I’m sure she will be going there with him. How are you going to handle her leaving? I know you two are close.” Tick asked inspecting him.

  “She’s staying here. He’s going to Titus. That’s how I’m handling it.” Pretty Boy said flatly. He hadn’t talked to her about Mark leaving, but he knew that she wouldn’t go with him. He knew this for two reasons; one he wouldn’t allow it and two he knew she’d agree to try a relationship with him.